Photoset reblogged from PlasticMonkeyLegs with 6,808 notes
My brother saved this document and everytime he gets angry at our neighbours for being loud he prints it to their wireless printer and you can hear the wife shout “Why the fuck would you print this AGAIN?!” to her son.
Source: whatisgoingonpleasehelp
Post with 1 note
The Gay Agenda
Right you guys
I’m here to tell you that there IS a gay agenda
For a long time I thought there wasn’t, and that it was just stuff made up by idiots. But there TOTALLY IS. The 1st and only item on the Gay Agenda is…
Being treated like people.
Those bastards.
Post reblogged from Shark Chunks with 181 notes
Life Hacks: Nuclear Weapons
Did you know you can make a nuclear fusion device at home?
All you need are a few household items, a little bit of patience, and a Class 1 Top Security clearance for the manufacture of biological, chemical or nuclear weapons under the Fermi laws of 1954 contingent to permission from the United Nations Security Council. Because we wouldn’t want to do anything illegal now would we ;)
You’re gonna need-
- A box of matches
- A blender
- Tape
- Some wire mesh (Like a window screen, for sifting)
- Cake mix (Yellow sponge cake works best)
- Ziplock bags
- String
- Ice cubes (The cold kind, not the rapper/actor)
- A toilet paper tube
- A Catholic Missal
- An empty kitty litter bucket
First, you’re gonna need two rare substances- Weapons grade uranium and “heavy” water. Luckily these are easy to make (unless you’re Iran lol). For the uranium, just take your yellow cake mix and sift it with the wire mesh. Whatever stays on top of the mesh- That’s weapons grade. For the heavy water, take some ice cubes, which are heavier than water but still made of water, and put them in the blender. By breaking up the ice cubes and releasing the water, you keep the weight but make it a fluid. This is a process that scientists call “Putrefaction”.
To build the weapon, pack some uranium into one end of the toilet paper tube and then cover that end with the Catholic Missal. This guarantees what we call a “Critical Mass” of uranium. Then take a smaller wad of uranium and pack it into the other end of the tube, leaving plenty of space between the two.
Tape the box of matches to that end of the tube. It will act as an explosive device to send the “bullet” of uranium into the critical mass, thus resulting in a nuclear fission explosion.
You now have a nuclear fission device! Like the bomb that destroyed Hiroshima, this device has a yield equal to about 10 thousand tons of T.N.T! But fission is for wimps, right? So let’s turn that fission bomb, into a fusion bomb!
Tape your string to the matches to act as a fuse, and then put the nuclear warhead in a ziplock bag. Be sure to seal it tight!!! Now place that assembly into the kitty litter bucket. Make sure it’s empty of kitty litter before the next step.
Fill the rest of the bucket with the heavy water you made in step one, and seal the top of the kitty litter bucket with the string still poking out. Once the fuse is lit, it will light the matches and detonate the nuclear fission bomb. This acts as a heat source to boil the heavy water, and when heavy water boils- Nuclear Fusion!
Congratulations, your bomb is now complete. Remember that it’s illegal to carry or detonate a nuclear fusion warhead in public (except in Texas, it’s fine there), and bear in mind this will be quite a bit stronger than your usual firecrackers. We recommend only setting off your nuclear device on official U.S. testing grounds, such as the desserts of New Mexico or islands in the Pacific only populated by tribes under no country’s protection.
So play safe and have a good time,
Sorry to reblog myself but I think this is the funniest thing I ever wrote.
Of course, if you then decide not to use it and want to get rid of it safely, U2 should be able to help you dismantle it.
Source: facts-i-just-made-up
Photo reblogged from Shark Chunks with 196,074 notes
Know your roses guys
Or you just might fuck up the momentand you dont want to do that ._.
salmon is for desire
Source: hypothetical-happiness
Photoset reblogged from Shark Chunks with 47 notes
Vintage Christian book: How to Pass Out Tracts for Jesus (For more info and images, click here; Found at Stuff Fundies Like; For a related post, click here http://christiannightmares.tumblr.com/post/46647172456/satisfied-teen-ager-a-vintage-christian-tract)
I saw “how to pass out tracts” and immediately thought of someone straining so hard to take a shit that their entire intestinal tract came out.
What is wrong with me?
Source: christiannightmares
Photo reblogged from PlasticMonkeyLegs with 1,241 notes
Please help!
Richmond, VA, 23235
This is my cat Butterball, whom I’ve had since he was born. (I helped deliver him.) He’s a very good cat, and very important to me. However, I am going to be homeless starting on the 29th of May— I won’t have any way to support him or a place to keep him.
I love him very much, and I don’t want to take him to an animal shelter— I’d much rather see him go directly to a loving home, so I’m hoping that someone in the area can take him in. (In the future, if it’s possible, I’d really like to get him back, but as long as he’s with a loving family…)
He is an orange and white adult (older, but not elder) male cat who has been neutered. He’s very smart, and knows several words, including ‘no,’ ‘food,’ ‘snicker snacks (treats)’ ‘outside,’ and ‘lay down’. He’s litterbox trained but prefers the outside. He’s usually too lazy to hunt, but he loves to cuddle with people and is a very affectionate cat. He also loves people food, and is a terrible begger— and be careful if you have roast beef around him, he’ll go straight for it!
His health is good, but he sneezes a lot and sometimes likes wet cat food when he can get it because he is missing some teeth. (This is not a requirement, but he’ll love you for it!)
He’s a very lovely cat, and he deserves to find a loving home. Please, if you’re in the area and can possibly adopt him, please send me an ask and I’ll give you contact details to reach me. If you can’t, I humbly ask that you reblog this— I trust tumblr to help me find someone loving for him.
Oh god I’m too hormonal for this… can someone please give this sweet boy a home? Ugh I can’t even imagine having to give up my kitties… I’m so so sorry…
Source: shamaninasuit
Photo reblogged from Goutimus Maximus with 19 notes
I’m totally into tattoos and piercings, but idk how to feel about this, I mean I give her props for having the guts to do this, especially on her face, but damn…
What do you guys think?
I think it’s none of my fucking business, or yours, what someone does to their own body. I also think that particularly given that this person is on Tumblr it’s fucking rude to steal her picture to invite people to criticize her appearance.
Why does the world think they get a fucking opinion on another person’s body?! Like if someone gets a shit tattoo they could have avoided if they went to a legit artist then it is ok.
But that is well done scarification. That she has chosen to get. So why do you give a shit? I don’t think she asked if YOU personally, just like I doubt she wanted the hate that everyone sent to her for it.
How about this, SHUT THE FUCK UP.
That’s pretty fucking cool.
Source: ruabadfishtoo
Photo reblogged from PlasticMonkeyLegs with 642 notes
Where have all the women gone in movies?
Despite the success of ‘Bridesmaids’ and other female-driven movies, female representation in films is at its lowest level in five years, a USC report says.
There’s one mountain in Hollywood that even “The Hunger Games’” scrappy heroine Katniss Everdeen hasn’t been able to move: the number of roles for women.
Despite the success of recent female-driven movies such as “Bridesmaids” and the “Hunger Games” and “Twilight” series, female representation in popular movies is at its lowest level in five years, according to a study being released Monday by the USC Annenberg School for Communication and Journalism.
Among the 100 highest-grossing movies at the U.S. box office in 2012, the study reported, 28.4% of speaking characters were female. That’s a drop from 32.8% three years ago, and a number that has stayed relatively stagnant despite increased research attention to the topic and several high-profile box-office successes starring women.
“There is notable consistency in the number of females on-screen from year to year,” said USC researcher Marc Choueiti. “The slate of films developed and produced each year is almost formulaic — in the aggregate, female representation hardly changed at all.”
When they are on-screen, 31.6% of women are shown wearing sexually revealing clothing, the highest percentage in the five years the USC researchers have been studying the issue.
For teen girls, the number who are provocatively dressed is even higher: 56.6% of teen girl characters in 2012 movies wore sexy clothes, an increase of 20% since 2009.
The USC researchers said these trends persist because those working in Hollywood believe attracting a male audience is the key ingredient to box office success.
“Industry perceptions of the audience drive much of what we see on-screen,” said study author Stacy L. Smith. “There is a perception that movies that pull male sell. Given that females go to the movies as much as males, the lack of change is likely due to entrenched ways of thinking and doing business that perpetuate the status quo.”
Female characters are more prevalent — and less likely to be sexualized — in movies written and directed by women, according to Smith.
A study USC released in January in conjunction with the Sundance Institute and Women in Film Los Angeles found that women have made more inroads in those kinds of behind-the-camera jobs in independent film and documentaries than they have in big-budget studio movies.
But it’s typically the studio movies that drive the box office — and shape audiences.
“Some depictions of females on-screen can have unintended and negative consequences for viewers,” Smith said. “Every voice deserves a chance to be heard and every story a chance to be told. At the moment … that does not seem to be the case in popular film.”
Source: Los Angeles Times
Quote reblogged from PlasticMonkeyLegs with 7,963 notes
We [Fraction and his wife, Kelly Sue DeConnick] were pregnant at the time, and while I was out there I started to realize that if I had a daughter, there would come a day when I would have to apologize to her for my profession. I would have to apologize for the way it treats and speaks to women readers, and the way it treats its female characters.
I knew that if we had a daughter, because I know my wife and I know the kind of girl she wants to raise and I know the kind of girl I want to raise, she was going to look at what I did for a living and want to know how the fuck I could stomach it. How could I sell her out like that?” Fraction continued. “That conversation is still coming, and I’m bracing for it in the way that some dads brace for their daughter’s first date or boyfriend. I became acutely aware that I had sort of done that thing that lots of privileged hetero cisgendered white dudes do. ‘I’m cool with women, and that’s enough.’ It’s not enough. It’s embarrassing to say, because we somehow have attached shame to learning and evolving our opinions, culturally, but I became aware that there was a deficiency of and to women in my work, and all I could do at that moment was take care of my side of the street.
While this is good, it really pisses me off when guys suddenly start thinking about women’s rights because they’re having a daughter. What, wasn’t your wife good enough to protect? Your mother? Women in general because they’re like, people :o? (via plasticmonkeylegs)
Source: comicbookresources.com
Photoset reblogged from Infinitely Eclectic with 9,032 notes
A friend of mine is going to Comic-con in PHX this weekend with this bad-ass Garrus costume. So freakin’ talented! She told me to tell Tumblr that if anyone wanted to see more pics and info on this, they should check in at Red Nebula Studios (http://www.rednebulastudios.com/) where she’ll post more after the Con…
Holy SHIT that’s good
Source: girlhitsdrum
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